My Friend Helen

 

When I began writing my blog, it was because I felt I had a story to tell. Not many people knew the details of what I went through, from my diagnosis, to the treatments and everything in between dealing with brain cancer. I have received a lot of positive feedback from family and friends who have been reading about my journey and I am grateful and humbled when I’m told that my experience has inspired people. I believe that everyone has a story to tell, whether it be a diagnosis, loss of a loved one, abuse or mental illness and the list goes on. In this blog I would like to share a story with you about someone who inspires me greatly. Her name is Helen.

Helen and I had arranged to meet for tea to talk about her journey. I was honoured that she trusted me enough to write her story.

It was early March when I rang Helen’s doorbell. The door opened and there she stood with her hair cut into a neat bob, wearing a beautiful bright pink shirt, patten leather black shoes on her feet and a welcoming smile on her face.

”Come in, come in!” she said.

I stepped into her house and she greeted me with a warm hug. I looked around her lovely home and the first room I saw was her formal dining room. The table was set with fine dishes upon a white table cloth. In the center of the table stood a large porcelain bunny. Scattered around the bunny were chocolate eggs wrapped in brightly coloured foil. Helen was ready for Easter.

We walked into her kitchen where we would sit and talk. Once again, the table was set  beautifully. Pale yellow tea cups sat on saucers which nestled on matching plates. Knowing that I eat as clean as possible, Helen and her husband went to the grocery store the night before to shop specifically for me. A platter of organic fruits and vegetables were placed in front of me to snack on during our visit. Every last detail was covered.

As Helen poured us each a cup of tea, we began our conversation.

“Do you mind if I ask you what year you were born?”

She proudly replied, “1934.”

That’s right. My friend Helen, with her nails polished in a pretty pale pink is in her eighty-fourth year and this is her story…..

Helen grew up in Hamilton with a single mother and two brothers, living with her grandparents. They were all one year apart, she was the middle child.  At the age of nine her mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. As the weeks went by, Helen’s mother grew sicker and sicker and at the young age of twenty-seven she passed away. Her grandparents, devastated by the loss of their daughter created a shrine above the fireplace with a picture of Helen’s mother and fresh carnations that were replaced weekly. To this day, Helen can’t stand the sight or smell of carnations because it reminds her of the suffering she and her family went through many years ago.

At the age of eighteen Helen got married. She wanted children and her prayer to God was, “Lord, don’t give me children if I won’t live to see them grow up.”

Helen did eventually get pregnant and was thrilled. She gave birth to a little girl and believed that her prayer had been answered. She would live a healthy, long life and watch her daughter grow.

At the age of thirty, Helen began noticing her hearing was diminishing in her left ear. She went to the doctor and after several tests, Helen was told she had a rare tumour growing in her ear. Her daughter was nine years old, the same age Helen was when she lost her mother. The doctors performed surgery in an attempt to remove the tumour but Helen began to hemorrhage. They immediately closed her up, unable to remove the tumour because it was attached to her jugular vein.

As Helen healed from the surgery she began to do some soul searching. At the age of thirty she thought she might be dying and realized she hadn’t even begun living. That’s when Helen decided to make a bucket list. There were three things she was going to do. Number one was to learn how to drive. Number two was to learn how to swim and number three was to leave her husband.  So, when Helen recuperated, she learned how to drive, she took swimming lessons (although she still can’t swim to this day) and she bravely started a new life as a single mother.

Helen continued to go through several tests and scans on her tumour. Three years after the unsuccessful surgery, the doctors decided the best course of action would be radiation. She had twenty-five radiation sessions which stabilized the tumour. She consulted with a specialist to help her deal with her fear and anxiety. Whenever people would comment on the difficult things she had gone through, she would respond with a warm smile on her face, “Just look at what Jesus went through at thirty-three!”

As a single mother, Helen worked full time as a medical secretary where she met a special gentleman. After four years she accepted his proposal to be his wife. Life was good, or so she thought. One week before her 40th birthday Helen was diagnosed with  breast cancer. Her new fiance pampered her with gifts but most importantly, stood by her side and supported her through the difficult time. On Boxing Day Helen had undergone a mastectomy.

Shortly before the wedding, Helen got the dreaded news that the tumour in her ear was back. With the help of her new husband, a specialist was found in Toronto who dealt with this type of rare tumour. Helen met with the doctor and they set a date for surgery once again. During surgery, the doctor found the tumour was not attached to her jugular vein and was able to carefully remove it. After a long recovery, with her family by her side, Helen lives a happy life.
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I asked Helen as we sipped our tea, “What do you do with your time?”

Helen begins every day drinking a cup of coffee while working on cryptic crossword puzzles. She and her husband have many friends and they both love to entertain. They often have visitors and enjoy throwing  parties. She enjoys going to the casino and out for dinner. Once a week she meets with a group of her neighbourhood girlfriends for coffee at the local coffee shop and once a month they all go out for dinner together. Helen is the busiest eighty-three year old I know. In fact, I had to wait two weeks for an opening in her schedule to visit her. She loves people and is quite the social butterfly.

A recent study shows that genes account for 25% of our longevity, 75% is our lifestyle. According to Julianne Holt-Lunstad, the top two things that keep you living a long life are having close relationships like a spouse and children. Social integration is number one on the list of living a long life, above not smoking. This entails how many people you speak to during the day, not how many Facebook friends you have. Just a simple “hey, how are you?” to the person who makes your coffee, the bank teller or the checkout person at the grocery store. By nature we are social animals. When we are face to face and  make eye contact with others our bodies release oxytocin. Oxytocin lowers cortisol levels in our bodies and dopamine is generated. That’s the secret to living a long and happy life. If that is the case, I believe Helen and her husband will be around for many, many years to come.

You may be wondering how I know Helen. Helen lives across the street from my parents and is one of my mother’s best friends. She always eagerly waits for my blogs to come out and never misses the chance to post the kindest comments. She is one of my motivators and her story inspires me. Before I met Helen and heard her story, I had a hard time seeing myself growing old. I couldn’t imagine being here to see my son get married and meeting my grandchildren, but now I can because of her.

Helen finished our conversation by telling me she doesn’t want people to be sad when she dies, she wants people to celebrate! She loves her life and is grateful for everything she’s been through because it got her to where she is today. Helen is a beautiful example of a kind, strong and resilient woman and I’m grateful to call her my friend.

Love,

Linda xo